bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
