ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
barbara walters just said penis...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
