he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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