Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she told me i tasted like america
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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