p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
