I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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