PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
