Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
