After last night, I could never be a politician.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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