We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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