Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
