so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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