Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
