Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
