Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
