Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
