I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
