I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
