The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
