My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
