I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
