The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
there's paper in my vomit.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
