I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
