Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
