the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i now understand why vodka
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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