Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
