I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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