No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have tasted many bathrooms
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