look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
