help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
