Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
