look no pants
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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