wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
