He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize