Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
