If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
