Screwed.edu
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
