dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
