got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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