You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sext me about skeletons
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
