She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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