know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
