I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
