how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
