'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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