Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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