You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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