Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize