yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
