I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
