I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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