Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
