By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
