Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
