Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
