coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
