The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
