wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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