Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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