Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
