is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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