my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
