my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
