Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
