woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
