that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
