I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
