That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
