Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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