We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
