dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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