Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
