he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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