just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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