Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
