The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
