Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
