Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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