Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
