We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
