Well douche your snatch and let's go!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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