4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize