Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's even glitter on my cock...
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