Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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