Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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