I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize