I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
