it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
