Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
