We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize