This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
