then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize