come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
