I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
