I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You can't just leave with hair like that
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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