I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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