He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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