Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize