happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
