Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
