$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
