i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
