Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
