"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
