A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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