Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
