So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
