i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
