In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
