lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you had me at cake vodka
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
