I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
